We started on a post tonight about Hellboy and got tired writing it so for now you get this sucky, nothing of a post. Just to make the search engines perk up (or because they are smarter than we are, perhaps not), here are a bunch of interesting things to index:
Shocking News! Roseanne Barr has been cast as the Kingpin in the reboot of Daredevil. Talk about a miscast. She would have made a better Foggy. The new film is to be released in 2013 and this time stars Matt Damon as The Man Without Fear. Talk about your proverbial bitch slap, Ben. You heard it here first.
Update! Comics are still GO! … in spite of the fact that readership has dwindled 67% in the last 20 years and a whopping 82% year-over-year in the last three years. Hello recession! Goodbye fan boys! By the way, we didn’t bother checking our math, so we don’t really know if those statistics would work. Who cares. The junk in this post is all made up anyway. For all we know, maybe comic book readership is on the rise. Doubtful, but maybe.
French Poodles! … are not to be trusted. They are angry animals. With good reason. No self-respecting animal would desire a “body ‘fro,” and it stands to reason that the poodles would want to take revenge on the race that bred mutations in them to such ridiculously obscene degrees.
Sex is over-rated! Huh. Who knew?
General John J. Pershing was born in Missouri not Wisconsin! Not much to add here.
North Koreans are sad! It’s because they are beholden to an insane little powder puff. How the hell is it that in today’s world an entire nation can be held hostage by a tyrant and a few cronies? Will there be an Asian Spring too? We hope, we hope. The dynamics of political and economic sociology are astounding. Perhaps we should invade. And by “we,” we mean everybody that is not American. We Americans have done enough damage, thank you. It’s your turn, the-rest-of-the-world-except-China-because-China-is-afraid-of-offending-Nutcase-Kim. Talk about being held hostage. Hello, China?Really? The fastest growing economy and soon-to-be the ruler of the Earth is run by a few old wrinkly men that have managed to oppress 1.2 billion people. Wow. But of course to be fair, we here at home are oppressed in other ways – some human, but most commercial (isn’t that right Occupy Wall Street movement people?) . Ah well. 2012 is around the corner and it all ends then, right?
Breaking News! October 21, 2011 is the revised “Judgment Day” according to Rev. Harold Camping. Beware. Run for shelter! Prepare to die all you non-Christians, because as we all know, God hates a non-Christian … unless you are a non-Christian. Then God hates Christians. Huh. Maybe we all die!
****UPDATED NEWS AS OF OCTOBER 22, 2011!****
Well, looks like Harold Camping is still a nutjob or just a mean-spirited old man. The world didn’t end yesterday as far as we know. It’s a shame too. We all had on our tinfoil hats and red spandex jumpsuits just chomping at the bit for the Rhapsody. Or Nirvana. Or Hell. We didn’t know what to expect, but we were ready nontheless. Now Barney’s going to have to go back to his co-worker Marian and apologize for calling her several rude names on his way out of the company. Louise will have to stop eating boxes of eclairs as she did in the week leading up to the impending “event,” and Old Sweater Guy will be doing nothing different, as usual.