Hafanana

15 Dec

Today’s hard swill and chaser combo brings us two versions of “Hafanana.” Boney NEM is up first.

Бони НЕМБони НЕМ (Boney NEM) rocks this catchy little ditty with their Russian metal bravado. Who are we to judge their song choice? Keep in mind that these are the same blokes that covered “Strangers in the Night.” Why are these lads so rough? Well, glad you asked. And… here comes the lazy part because we’re not going to spend a lot of time (read: any time at all) researching the background of the band and since the only Wiki entries we found are in Russian and German and we don’t know either of these languages because it’s hard enough to know “American” so … we don’t even remember what we were getting at here – something about … oh yeah, we’re not going to put effort into regaling you with actual facts about Boney NEM, dammit, so here’s what we are making up on the spot about the band’s background:

It was in 1947 when Uncle Joe was purging and the rest of the world was taking a snoozer that Mr. Boris (of course) Smith-Kozlov first considered the possibility of putting together a troupe of travelling musicians. His efforts were cut short, however, when he was picked up by the local contingent of secret police. Oh, hell, we’re boring ourselves. Long story short … lots of vodka (of course) … woman with sausages for fingers … then a thriller of a plan to escape to the west which never materialized … was his first setback in creating a superstar international sensation … pickles … rehab was of no use … and if he hadn’t been in Berlin in 1972 he wouldn’t have met his muse, Marlena which would have meant … started out in bars and local dance clubs but … and that’s how the bony boys met their Maker. But before that, they put out a lot of silly songs. A lot (maybe most – we can’t say for sure) of the songs were covers of popular songs that were not metal. Like punk covers, it’s fun to hear a diluted  artist’s song revved up and bringing the pain.

Enough with the pleasantries. Here’s Boney NEM’s cover of “Hafanana!”

HafananaSo, who was it that brought us this gem of song originally? Why it was Afric Simone of course. Who is Afric Simone? Well, we’re glad you asked. Again, with the laziness. Afric Simone was the Deputy Secretary of the Department of Commerce during the Nixon presidency. While his colleagues fell like flies around him, Afric was never implicated in any scandal. It was no surprise really. Everyone who knew Afric thought well of him and the words “integrity” and “fellowship of the ring” and all that were synonymous with Afric’s good name.  In 1981, however, that all changed. When rumors of marital infidelities and questionable close-door meetings with Ben Fritzwilling, then the head of Chevron’s controversial oesmetic elemental separation program, began to surface, Afric first resigned and then quickly left the country to return to his father’s home in Kenya. There is almost no record of his activities for the next decade or so, but in the mid-1990’s his name began to surface again in political junkets. To everyone’s surprise, Afric surged out of nowhere to participate in the heated Nairobi mayoral race of 1998. He lost of course. Hakembe Betowansa took the prize and went on to hold the position until 2006 when he was assassinated by a Ugandan contingent claiming to be a faction of the Pan-African People’s Express. Anyway, long story short, Afric is Barak Obama’s half-brother.

And here’s the original version of “Hafanana.” Sorry that the video blacks out part of the way through. But, you get to enjoy Afric’s dexterity and a barely clothed African babe for a bit, so quit complaining.

Well, we suppose if we’re going to do the “Hafanana” thing, it’s inevitable that the immensely catchy and danceable song would end up on the Bollywood circuit. Here’s a freebie for you.

Hrithik Roshan is a popular Indian actor, dancer, or something. And boy is he ever so super-dreamy! Just look at that hair and muscles (which he has graciously provided for our viewing pleasure)! Actually, we have to admit we were paying more attention to the honies next to him, but whatever. He’s still a hottie for our female and gay and ambiguously-inclined audience. Here’s another Bollywood-ish dance extravaganza covering the song du jour. And we all know how much Comics A-Go-Go! loves Bollywood.

Hafanana, sahib!

Bollywood Dancing

Never mind Hrithik Roshan. Who's the hottie in the red top?

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