New Toon’s Fave Tune: Captain Marvel’s Detachable Penis

29 Apr

Surprise!

Holy Hippocratic Oath!

OK, OK. We know this one is somewhat vulgar but we have to do it. Besides, it’s actually creepy funny without being sexual. Still, we would rate this post a PG-13, so, buyer beware.

There have been so many iterations of Captain Marvel that we can’t keep up. And we wouldn’t be able to even if we cared. But one of them is unintentionally humorous (or “houmourous” if we do the extended Canado-Austra-Brittania spelling) and we all know how Comics A-Go-Go! likes unfortunatality {real word) in comics (like when Batman was a sadist and a pedophile; actually, we don’t like that one at all. We’ll have to do a post on Rob Liefeld soon to supplant those awful memories of the foibles of our Guy from Gotham).

Captain Marvel Comic Book Character

Captain Marvel yells “Split” to separate and “Xam” to come back together again. If he combines them by yelling “Splaxam!”, DC sues him.

In 1966, the world was introduced to a weirdo version of Captain Marvel. His unique power was the ability to split his body into multiple pieces. This version of CM was  conceived and published by an obscure company called M.F. Publishing (apparently the name “Captain Marvel” sat in public domain at the time or something). This publisher’s concoction depicted Captain Marvel as a powerful robot created on another planet and sent to earth to promote peace (and enforce it probably, ‘cuz we suck at peace and need to be taught a lesson). Incidentally, he is super powerful and his home planet explodes just moments after he is launched into outer space. In a parallel universe we call him Knock-off Superman.

Now this is just downright silly.

Comic Book Character: Captain Marvel

It was the 1960s, so superheroes still had their boy sidekicks. Captain Marvel’s was Billy … Baxton. Wait, what? Aw, shazamanizzle!

An early idea floating around the creative department at MF entailed giving Captain Marvel the ability to remove his nipples, testicles, and penis. The writer felt that these items were unnecessary and would get in the way of battle sequences (can you imagine how much more powerful Captain Marvel would have been if he didn’t have to worry about villains administering a titty twister, a ball buster, or a Johnson jerk?).  At the time, the creators were constrained by social mores and the Comics Code Authority, so the idea didn’t fly.

Comic Book Characters

Rock BandWhat the creators didn’t know was that Captain Marvel had acquired the power to detach his dingle all on his own. There was a storyline about it in issue #5 but the title was cancelled before he could show his unique skill. The incomplete pages for issue #5 (very capably penciled by Captain Marvel himself) have been lost although there is some suspicion that they ended up in the hands of Tom Cruise (we chose to malign him because we just saw Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and, well, let’s just say we laughed a lot when we don’t think we were supposed to laugh). Years after Captain “Split” Marvel lapsed into the dark blur of history, King Missile wrote a song about genitalia separation. When the song came out in 1992, the former Captain Marvel was a retired Brigadier General and was hitting the lecture circuit as a very minor celebrity. As the song gained some traction on the charts, Marvel enthusiastically endorsed “Detachable Penis” in his ill-received memoirs, My Left Foot … Where Were You Last Night?

Rock Song

1992’s Detachable Penis. Captain Marvel’s favorite song.

King Missile’s “Detachable Penis” was a very modest pop music success but ultimately the band was a dubbed a one hit wonder that actually had better things to do on the alternative music, small venue, smug intellectual circuit, so that was pretty much it for the boys. For his part, Brigadier General Marvel labeled King Missile as “confusing,” and “a crude version of Cake,” and “eh, other than my adopted theme song, … pass.”

2 Responses to “New Toon’s Fave Tune: Captain Marvel’s Detachable Penis”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Biggest Boobs in Comic Books « Comics A-Go-Go! - May 20, 2012

    […] our statistics show that the most popular post by far that we’ve written  is this one: Captain Marvel’s Detachable Penis. Now, it’s not what you think. The post is about an obscure 1960s version of the Captain […]

  2. Power Girl’s Power Window – A Boon for Big Boobs « Comics A-Go-Go! - January 7, 2013

    […] we wrote a post some time ago about a song called Detachable Penis and a connection (heh…) to an obscure superhero named Captain Marvel from M.F. Publishing […]

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