Résumé Bloopers

18 Jun
Batman and Joker

well, let’s see. i’m a good motivator. i’m innovative. i work really well with others. umm. maybe some room for improvement there. oh yes, i’m good with pencils. money isn’t the only thing important to me in a job. i love animals, flowers, and potato peelers. oh, hee, ha, ho, ha, ha!

Résumés tell a lot about ourselves. [yeah. duh]. For example, here’s ours. [ooo. can't wait]. We won’t bother with a CV since we know you won’t read it. [amen to that!]


Comics A-Go-Go!
Bird Island, Seychelles
(202) 358-0001
comicsagogo@yahoo.com

September 2011-present
Created and now run the world’s 42,785,440th best blog.

July 21, 1969-August 2011
Did stuff

July 20, 1969
Watched the biggest hoax of all time happen before our eyes.  Yay, lunatic fringe!

Skills: Mad
Personal: We love chocolate. And blueberries.
Places we’ve lived: Brazil, Peru, Thailand, Venezuela, India, Spain, and the good ol’ United States of America.
Languages we speak: Does American count? Also Dolphin.

References: Yeah, right. Like we want you calling people we know. Most of them don’t even exist in this realm.


Job Interview

If you are a woman, never, never, never, wear a smart, solid color business suit with tidy hair and a dash of “can-do!” make-up. Typically a woman will do best in an interview by not showing up at all. Oh, c’mon! That joke worked on our last applicant. She laughed and said she can’t wait to tell it to her friend at the labor board.

Anyway, in other less interesting parts of our lives we have the misfortune of periodically sifting through applicants for job openings. Now, let’s get something straight. We do not laugh at the real misfortune of unemployment. In fact, we feel terrible when interviewing yet another person that desperately needs to find both the financial wherewithal to make ends meet and the dignity of emerging out of the soul-crushing despair of being jobless. We can’t hire them all. And some just aren’t a good fit or simply don’t have the skills to make them employable. The latter is the hardest one to deal with.

Spy TV series

Sometimes appropriate. Be sure to ask the HR department beforehand.

So, suddenly the post feels less funny. But no fear, we are shallow enough to get past the sobering realities noted in the previous paragraph. In some cases, applications are just weird, awful, or annoying. For example, we detest reading the personal items often noted at the bottom of a person’s résumé. Frankly, we don’t care about your marital status, how many kids you have, what you like to hunt, what outdoor activities you’ve successfully dominated and are happy to boast about, or that you expect to get this job because if you don’t you will kill yourself, the interviewer or the dude who’s barking dog keeps you up all night (bastard!). Just tell us what you have done and how you can provide a solid answer to our inquiry: “Who the hell can do this job so we can stop the interminable interviewing process?!”

White suit

Usually a white jacket is not a good color for a job interview. It portrays a lack of good judgment. Good judgment is usually a trait sought after by prospective employers.

Anyway, here are two typos we saw this week that demonstrate how people have become lazy with the language and are unwilling to use the manna of tools in front of them to easily fix poor keyboarding and spelling problems. Yes, yes, we know. This blog is rife with such atrocities but we’re hypocrites, and we aren’t trying to work for you. Also, it’s our blog so you can’t do anything about it.

And, here you go:

Résumé #1: “Responsibilities included quaility control”

Résumé #2: “…excellent attention to drtails”

Neither applicant is going to be working for us. ‘nuf sed.

One Response to “Résumé Bloopers”

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  1. Old Sweater Guy passes on to oblivion « Comics A-Go-Go! - December 30, 2012

    [...] for which Comics A-Go-Go! has become known. It takes a lot to maintain the world’s  42,785,440th best blog but the rest of us are up to the challenge. Besides, the original three have done very little other [...]

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