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Art from the Comic-Con

22 May

I have so many pictures in my laptop that it’s impossible to get everything loaded and into a post. But, I might as well chip away at the stack. The reason most of you come to my site is because of the pictures (I have about 4,000 loaded already), so I figure I should share as many as I can. Here are a few items I picked up at Comic-Cons past.

Charles Vess’ Book of Ballads and Sagas

Charles Vess has beautiful fantasy artwork and I have several comics with his work. So, I was really happy to see him at a table and chatted him up a bit. Charles was giving away a preview of his then-upcoming personal project so I snagged one. It’s a thin, full-size, black-and-white promo that contains a couple of pages from a story written by Neil Gaiman and illustrated by Charles. What gorgeous stuff.

Charles Vess Book of Ballads and Sagas Promo booklet cover
Charles Vess Book of Ballads and Sagas Promo booklet #1

Charles Vess Book of Ballads and Sagas Promo booklet #1

Geoff Darrow’s Shaolin Cowboy

Geoff has done several projects for other people, but this is a solo comic book he’s created, co-written and illustrated. Shaolin Cowboy is a weird bit of science fiction-fantasy-western-dystopian-post-apocalyptic-drug-addled-European-comix-inspired comic book fun by one of the most detailed artists in the industry. Just the art alone is a viable reason to buy this book. It’s too bad Geof hasn’t made this story an on-going thing.  Here’s a print we bought form him a few years back. He added a little sketch of the monk’s head on the lower right corner.

Geof Darrow Shaolin Cowboy Print

Geof Darrow Shaolin Cowboy Print

Here’s a close up of a quick sketch Geof did when I was buying the print.

Geof Darrow Shaolin Cowboy Cover #1

Here’s what the published artwork looked like.

 

Instant Piano

Instant Piano was an anthology project put out by Dark Horse Comics (which I’ve always considered to be the HBO of comic books) that took some of the most inventive yet less well known creators and gave them free reign to write and draw some short stories. The following promo sheet was handed out at a table where all of them were signing stuff. I was already a big fan of Evan Dorkin’s Milk and Cheese, and Kyle Baker’s art on The Shadow (which was a series of very good stories but also a hilarious send-up of the Howard Chaykin mini-series). The other artists were: Mark Badger, Robbie Busch, and Stephen DeStefano. Funny story: All the guys to sketched and signed the sheet. Kyle Baker was last. He said something to the effect that I should buy the book because it was going to be the greatest thing ever. I kind of chuckled. He shot me back a dirty look and said something like “It IS! Why are you laughing.” I smiled, picked up my promo sheet, and hurried away. I’m embarrassed to say I haven’t actually bought the books. Hmm. Add those to my list.

Instant Piano Comic Book Anthology Promo Sheet Sketches by Kyle Baker, Evan Dorkin, Robbie Busch, Stephen DeStefano, Mark Badger

And here’s your bonus: the covers to the Instant Piano Comics mini-series.

Dark Horse Comics - Instant Piano #1 Dark Horse Comics - Instant Piano #2 Dark Horse Comics - Instant Piano #3 Dark Horse Comics - Instant Piano #4

Axel Pressbutton, Laser Eraser and Pressbutton covers

19 May

After writing our post about Zirk, the space pervert, we figured we might as well go ahead with the whole she-bang and give you the covers for the two Eclipse Comics series where you can find the slimy little football-shaped, sex-crazed alien.

A Brief History of Axel Pressbutton

Pedro Henry (real name Steve Moore), is a British comic book writer that got his start during the 1970s in independent comics.  He created Axel Pressbutton with Alan Moore (who went by the pseudonym Curt Vile at the time) and introduced him in a series of short strips published in a rock music magazine called Dark Star.

Axel Pressbutton in Dark Star magazine

The first appearance of Axel Pressbutton

Axel Pressbutton killing plants

Axel (as we learn later) was originally a mild-mannered florist that was partially consumed by a carnivorous plant. The experience drove him insane and created a horrific loathing of plant life. We see him destroy plants whenever he encounters them. He may hate plants, but Axel is a violent cyborg and is pretty much always up for any kind of slaughter should the right opportunity present itself. And afterwards, he enjoys a fine cigar. What a gent.

Axel Pressbutton has an orgasmWhomever put Axel back together again after his experience with the man-eating plant had a twisted idea of what an appropriate cyborg configuration ought to be.   He was equipped with a chest button that, when pushed, gave him a powerful orgasm. The ecstasy of the experience left him incapable of functioning, so the button was actually more of a hindrance than a benefit … well, at least in battle. When he wasn’t catatonic from his rapture, many died at the slice of the cleaver which was also provided in his corporeal rebuild.

Axel Pressbutton and his cleaver arm

Axel Pressbutton, killer cyborg

Axel was next portrayed in another British music magazine called Sounds. In it, he pairs up with an attractive clone named Mysta Mistralis (also known as Laser Eraser in her capacity as an intergalactic assassin). She and Axel team up for mayhem, murder, and of course, sex.

Axel Presbutton and Mysta Mistralis

Mysta Mistralis is Laser Eraser

This way, there’s no clean up after the party’s over.

Laser Eraser and Pressbutton poster sheet

Stories about Axel and Mysta  were then written and drawn for a British mature audience comic anthology called Warrior. In turn, these were reprinted in mini-series format in the American comic book company, Eclipse Comics. The covers below are from the two series published by Eclipse.

Axel Pressbutton and Laser Eraser Comics A-Go-Go! Poster

Wanted Poster for Axel Pressbutton and Laser Eraser

Mysta and Axel on flying car

Axel Pressbutton panel from Eclipse Comics

Even though there have been rumors, there are no known plans to resurrect the characters in any current projects. Probably just as well. There are plenty of more violent and sex-crazed stories than these, so Axel and Mysta might seem dated at this point. Oh, well. Here’s to memories.

Axel Pressbutton

Eclipse Comics, Axel Pressbutton #1 Eclipse Comics, Axel Pressbutton #2
Eclipse Comics, Axel Pressbutton #3 Eclipse Comics, Axel Pressbutton #4
Eclipse Comics, Axel Pressbutton #5 Eclipse Comics, Axel Pressbutton #6

Laser Eraser and Pressbutton

Eclipse Comics, Laser Eraser and Pressbutton #1 Eclipse Comics, Laser Eraser and Pressbutton #2
Eclipse Comics, Laser Eraser and Pressbutton #3 Eclipse Comics, Laser Eraser and Pressbutton #4
Eclipse Comics, Laser Eraser and Pressbutton #5 Eclipse Comics, Laser Eraser and Pressbutton #6

And, here’s your bonus. Eclipse went on a 3-D kick in the 1980s and released some of their titles in a 3-D format. Here’s the cover to the one-shot special.

Laser Eraser and Pressbutton 3-D Comic Book

Zirk Short Story from Axel Pressbutton by Pedro Henry and Brian Bolland

14 May

We’ve highlighted Brian Bolland‘s work before. He’s one of our favorite artists from the early days when we discovered comics in college. Brian’s art is appealing because he adds so much detail and dimension to his work. His art is exceptionally deceptive (in a good way) because he makes his characters and backgrounds look proportional and anatomically correct but in actuality he slips a lot of cartooning in. The faces and bodies of his characters are usually more distinct than the stock fodder you might find in a more common comic book art. Here’s an example of his incredible technique from the landmark one-shot, Batman: The Killing Joke.

Brian Bolland's art from  Batman: The Killing Joke

The highlighted short story in this post is a backup from Axel Pressbutton, an Eclipse Comics series from the 1980s. The comic book came out during the creator-driven wave of quality stories and art released by publishers like Eclipse. This particular story was written by British comic book writer Steve Moore under his alias, Pedro Henry. Steve was already popular in the UK having been a substantial contributor to the 2000 AD anthologies. Here’s a little tidbit of comic book history:  Steve was also instrumental in helping Alan Moore learn to write comic book stories. There is no relation between the two Moores, by the way.

Zirk the Space Pervert from Axel Pressbutton

Zirk is a character in the sci-fi universe of Axel Pressbutton. He’s a slimy sexaholic creature that, despite his repulsive nature, has the incredible ability to turn on almost anything once he gets in contact with him/her/it. This short story is just plain silly but we like Bolland’s art so we’re posting it for your viewing pleasure.

Thumbnail for Brian Bolland story page 1 Thumbnail for Brian Bolland story page 2
Thumbnail for Brian Bolland story page 3 Thumbnail for Brian Bolland story page 4

Kirk Cameron Loves Boobies

10 May

Kirk Cameron looks at a nude woman

Cripes. Don’t you just hate it when you have just enough time to post something but not enough time to create something worthwhile? Well, it doesn’t make any difference. We write astonishingly good posts and we still don’t get pop up in Google’s organic results as “The Best, Most Irresponsible Blog in the Universe.”  Those bastards. Damn their eyes.

So, this is what you get tonight. Another Bruce Jones fantasy short from The Twisted Tales of Bruce Jones (see the Booba story too). We didn’t even bother flattening out the pages when we scanned them. That, friends, is just how lazy we feel right now.

Bruce Jones nude drawing

Because this is a family friendly site (yeah, well, someone’s family probably), we have decided to let Kirk Cameron moderate the nudity. Consider yourselves saved. And if you really want to see this girl’s nipples, click on the links at the bottom. They’re just comic book boobs, for crying out loud!

Bruce Jones Fantasy comic book story "Stopped" part 1

Bruce Jones Fantasy comic book story "Stopped" part 2 Bruce Jones Fantasy comic book story "Stopped" part 3 Bruce Jones Fantasy comic book story "Stopped" part 4 Bruce Jones Fantasy comic book story "Stopped" part 5

Unedited Versions (comic book nudes are still nudes, so stay away if you’re underage or offended by these sorts of things):

Bruce Jones Fantasy Story “Stopped” page 1

Bruce Jones Fantasy Story “Stopped” page 2

Bruce Jones Fantasy Story “Stopped” page 3

Bruce Jones Fantasy Story “Stopped” page 4

Bruce Jones Fantasy Story “Stopped” page 5

Dave Stevens Sexy Cheesecake

6 May

Dave Stevens Cheesecake IllustratotorWe were flipping through old independent comics from Eclipse and First tonight and came across a couple of Dave Stevens illustrated comics. Dave was an instant hero of ours when we first discovered his Rocketeer stories in Pacific and Eclipse Comics way back in the day.   His illustrations were steeped in the 1940s era of cars, speech and mannerisms, story telling, and art.

Dave did a ton of “good girl” art and was instrumental in bringing back interest for tawdry Bettie Page erotica. For the most part, that’s not stuff we think has a place on this blog, but we do have to admit that the dude could draw the ladies.

Betty from Dave Steven's Rocketeer comic book

Dave Stevens circa 1982If you’re not familiar with Dave Stevens because you’re too young, let’s just say he was Adam Hughes well before Adam Hughes was Dave Stevens. Whatever that means. Dave died of leukemia at 52 years of age in 2008 but left behind a legacy of art that was clearly unique in style. Even if the art didn’t contain any of his sexy girls, one could recognize his fine pen strokes and his fantastic use of shadow. We only wish he had done a bunch of additional Rocketeer stuff before he got bored with it.

Anyway, we pulled some scans and put together a thick slab of cheesecake for your viewing pleasure. It looks like a couple of nipples tried to sneak through so the Cheval Noir cover below is sans nippleage but the larger version is unedited.

Dave Stevens cover art for Vanguard Illustratged #2, sexy pirates Dave Stevens cover to Eclipse Comics Twisted Tales trade paperback Dave Stevens artwork for sexy Space Vixens Dave Stevens cover for Sheena, Queen of the Jungle 3-D comic book Dave Stevens sexy pinup of Rainbow from DNAgents Dave Stevens art for Planet Comics, sexy girls Dave Stevens Jungle Comics cover Dave Stevens cover art for Jonny Quest

Dave Stevens Cheval Noir #7, nude art Dave Stevens Alien Worlds #4 cover art, sexy astronaut Dave Stevens Alien Worlds #2 cover art, sexy Aurora Dave Stevens, Airboy, sexy artwork

And just because it’s a super cool illustration, here’s a bonus of The Rocketeer. Ain’t it just grand?

The Rocketeer in sunlight illustration, Back Issue

Peter Kuper Original Art: Population Explosion

5 May

Back in the 1970s when we lived in Bangkok, there was considerable hubhub about how the world’s resources were running out because the world’s population growth was outpacing things like agricultural sustainability, timber availability, access to clean water, etc. Programs from United Nations agencies like UNESCO and WHO warned of impending disasters on a massive scale. Needless to say, we were terrified of the possibilities of chaos, pandemics, and global starvation.

Crowded Favela in Brazil

But, for the most part, these problems have only occurred in localized areas like parts of Africa where warfare is more to blame than limited access to natural resources (but, more on that later). The global population at the time we remember hearing all the fear-mongering invectives was a meager 4 billion. Today our population is more than double that.

Graph of Growth in World Population

Well, it looks like the prognosticators of pending population peril were more concerned (or premature) than they should have been. Advances in medicine, efficiency in economies, agricultural development, etc. are allowing population growth to be more manageable. But the problems are eventually going to catch up to us. To a large degree they already have. Potable water is increasingly difficult to come by, the proximity of humans to each other can and has caused serious situations like the spread of diseases and limited localized resources. These types of scenarios create pressure that leads to political and economic instability.

Overcrowded city

Disease. Check. Crime. Check. Clean water. Uncheck.

So, we’re not out of the woods and things are likely to get worse than better. Unfortunately for the world as a whole, the developed countries over-consume their share of resources so to a large degree overpopulation is already happening due to the disparity of available supplies. And, poor resource management is probably a valid reason why destitute places like Africa can’t get out of horrific conditions like war. There’s scholarly stuff out there that proves this, but we’re not going to bother with responsible blogging today. But just because you didn’t read it hear at Comics A-Go-Go! doesn’t make it any less real.

Massive crowd in Russia

Someone yelled: “Free Vodka!” and here you go.

Peter Kuper unpublished artworkAt a Comic-Con a few years ago, we meandered around the artist area and stumbled on Peter Kuper‘s shingle. If you don’t know him, Peter is one of the primary artists that illustrates Spy vs. Spy for Mad Magazine. He’s also a contributor to various news magazines like Time, Newsweek, and Businessweek, and he has illustrated for newspapers like The New York Times. Peter’s non-comic artwork is typically cerebral in nature so it was interesting to leaf through his original art and prints. He has a unique style that combines spray paint and stencils. Recently, however, he decided it wasn’t such a good idea to use aerosol paint since some of his subject matter involves environmental responsibility. So, we assume he must be using discarded Denny’s crayons. That’s what we would do.

Peter Kuper Satiric Art in Aerosol Paint and Stencil We found a piece of unpublished art titled “Population Explosion” that reminded us of that period in Thailand years ago and decided it was still a good representation of our anxieties and political bent. So, we bought it. Here it is for your viewing pleasure.

Peter Kuper original art piece titled "Population Explosion"\

Asterix Review: Asterix and the Chieftain’s Shield

4 May

Obelix throwing a centurion aroundTime for a new Asterix review. We’re up to Asterix and the Chieftain’s Shield. The story starts out with a narration of the defeat of Vercingetorix, the mighty chieftain who united Gaul but ultimately succumbed to the Roman forces. In the comic’s next scene, the chieftain’s shield is shown lying forgotten at the place where Vercingetorix dropped his arms in front of Caesar. A legionary absconded with the icon, loses it to a legionary in a game of chance, who in turn loses it to centurion, who in turn trades it for some Gaulish wine in a pub. This is the prelude.

Vercingetorix is an actual historical figure. He was a member of the Arverni tribe which occupied the southeastern portion of Gaul. The Arverni tribe was powerful and was able to successfully repulse the Romans on several occasions. There was significant drama in the community as part of the nobility of the tribe preferred to avoid conflict with the Romans and subject themselves to Caesar, and those that opposed the territory grab from Rome.

Vercingetorix by Lionel Royer

Vercingetorix Throws Down his Arms at the Feet of Julius Caesar (1899) by Lionel Royer.

Vercingetorix in Asterix and the Chieftain's Shield

Here’s Uderzo’s version. High art, suck it.

Vercingetorix’s father was king of the region and ruled from the ancient fortified city of Gergovia (you’ll see that location pop up on various occasions in the Asterix books). Celtillus, the father, was put to death for his ambitions to take over all of the Gaulish tribes. The Avernian nobles apparently feared that the king’s motives would create a greater risk of motivating the Romans to attack. Vercingetorix assumed the leadership role, but was expelled from Gergovia. He did next what his father was unable to do by rallying the other tribes to take on Caesar. They attacked Gergovia and defeated the Romans in 52 BC, successfully warding off a Roman siege. However, the victory was short lived. That same year, Caesar engaged Vercingetorix in Alesia, an ancient Gaulic city that no longer exists and is actually lost to history because experts are not able to agree on its precise location. There have been recent discoveries that lead many to believe they’ve found the ancient battlefield because of buried fortifications that look like those Caesar described. Here’s an image at the supposed location. Apparently, Asterix is now a time traveller.

Asterix at Statue of Vercingetorix in Alesia

The defeat of the Gauls at Alesia was historically significant on a broad scale. It positioned Caesar to consolidate his power in Rome, created a wealth of resources for the Roman empire, and eventually created what became in essence modern day France.

There is a recurring joke in the Asterix books that even in ancient time, the Gauls have no idea where Alesia is. This Gaulish pride plays into the antics of the hold-outs in our favorite little Armorican village.

Alesia, ancient Gaulish City

Asterix and Alesia

Asterix and the Chieftain's Shield Review

So, now let’s go on to the actual review…

… or take me to a list of other Asterix reviews.

Asterix Comic Books

… or how about the cover gallery?

Asterix Comis

Six from Sirius Covers and More

3 May

Six from Sirius, mini-series, Epic ComicsSix from Sirius, created and written by Doug Moench and illustrated by Paul Gulacy was a 4-issue mini-series  published by Epic Comics in 1984. The story is self-contained outside any of the other universes in the comic book publishing houses. The story centers around a group of six agents of an intergalactic governmental organization. It’s kind of like a spy story in space.

Epic Comics was a comic book imprint from the Marvel Comics Group. It was created to publish stories like these that often targeted a mature audience. It was also creator-centered, so the writers and artists retained the rights to the books.

Here are the covers to the mini-series.

Six from Sirius Cover #1

Six from Sirius mini-series, #1

Six from Sirius Cover #2

Six from Sirius mini-series, #2

Six from Sirius Cover #3

Six from Sirius mini-series, #3

Six from Sirius Cover #4

Six from Sirius mini-series, #4

These biographies are now 29 years out of date but it’s interesting to see what was being said about them back then. Both are a couple of our favorite creators. We liked Doug Moench’s Aztec Ace and Paul Gulacy’s Black Widow (see the images at the bottom of the linked post).

Biography of Doug Moench, comic book writer, Six from Sirius Biography of Paul Gulacy, comic book arist, Six from Sirius

These are some sample panels from the series.

Six from Sirius sample page Six from Sirius sample page Six from Sirius sample page Six from Sirius, Phaedra

Six from Sirius Space Hub

Punisher War Zone Movie Review

28 Apr

Punisher War Zone Movie Logo

See, here’s the thing about the Punisher movies: they just don’t quite satisfy. The films go down that indulgent path that movies like Taken and Man on Fire navigate to satiate the dark, furious part of people’s souls that require a solution in the face of  violent injustice. No? Just us? Uh-huh, right. Of course, those movies get the extra boost of urgency, while the Punisher movies are mostly about destroying bad people that have nothing to do with the original horror from which our anti-hero was created. So, that being said, what the Punisher movies really only offer is a chance to stomp around sadistically in the criminal world, cutting the cancer out of human society with impunity. There’s no redemption or finality. Frank Castle’s quest will never end and his heroic motivation died long ago. He is now just the Punisher, former father and husband turned killing machine.

Revenge Movies: Taken & Man on Fire

Excellent examples of good revenge movies

In spite of the Punisher’s limited dimensionality, however, he is effing good at what he does. In that regard, the Punisher is a fantastic character. So, given that a significant portion of the public has an appetite for angry, vengeful movies, one might think the Punisher would translate successfully into film. But, not so much. Marvel’s foray into Movieland with the character has now failed three times.

Punisher Movies: 1989, 2004, 2008

The problem is that while Taken and Man on Fire have a clearly defined overarching objective to save a specific innocent (or innocents) from harm, there’s no one in particular or at least no one special that needs saving in a Punisher story. Without that desperate journey, the Punisher storylines devolve into hunting expeditions interspersed with heady action and gore. Tremendously exhilarating, yes, but hollow at the end.

Having said that, we firmly believe that there is a place for The Punisher in live action … not in the movies, but in an episodic format. In this scenario, stories could be built that reach through several serialized moments stretching the drama and allowing characters to be developed more fully. One of the best parts of the Punisher comic books (which follow this format) is that Frank builds a cat-and-mouse game as he closes in on his prey. The longer (albeit not too long) the culmination, the more satisfying. And, in this format, it would be easier to introduce sympathetic characters that could add complexity and life to the character. Ideally, we think the Punisher could fit nicely into one-hour episodes on Showtime or a similar production house. We’ve heard rumor of this sort of project bouncing around, but thus far there’s been no official notice.

PBS Mini Series: The Punisher

When you wish upon a star…

The Punisher is clearly a popular character. Since his introduction in Amazing Spider-man #129 (and yes, we own a copy and we only paid $5 for it back in the early 1990s (but it does have a one inch rip on the front cover, dammit)), Frank Castle has given the Marvel Universe a dark realism that much of the superhero dross can’t create. There have been several series, one-shots, graphic novels, cross-overs, etc. culminating in hundreds of appearances. Incidentally, The Punisher will celebrate 40 years in print next year. We hope he’ll kill a few hundred bad guys to mark the event.

Punisher character in Marvel Comics

But we’re not here to talk about what should be done for future projects nor to discuss the comic books. So, here’s a brief review of Punisher: War Zone.

As we stated, the Punisher has had three chances at movie success. The first film was released in 1989 starring Dolph Lundgren (yeah, we’re confused too) as the titular character. The back story is essentially the same as the comic book version except that Frank Castle is a cop in this one. The story is pretty thin. The Punisher (2004) has a better set of bad guys and is just better done overall. Punisher War Zone portrays a grittier anti-hero and we like him better overall but the characters in the rest of the movie are actually pretty boring.

The Punisher Movie Flare Scene

That’s right. Happy Birthday. Prepare to be stabbed in the head.

The Good: Violence is what we’d expect (the first scene with the flare and the knife through the skull is awesome!) and violence is what we get. Lots of it. The darkness is interrupted by small amounts of dry humor which gives the movie a MAX comic book series feel of the story. There were several complaints about Irish-English actor Ray Stevenson playing the role of the New York vigilante with Italian heritage and special ops roots. But movies almost always stray away from printed characters and we were pleased with Ray’s look and performance.

Punisher War Zone Opening Scene

Rita Bennett from Dexter in a Lara Croft, Tomb Raider outfit

Julie Benz as Rita Bennett as Lara Croft. Sexier in Dexter than in Punisher War Zone

The Bad: We like Julie Benz but didn’t care for her character, Angela. Plus, stupid story elements like an immediate the attachment of Angela’s daughter to Frank is absurd (hey little why are you giving the big angry man in black that your Mom was screaming at earlier a big snuggly hug?!) because it’s a sloppy mechanism to humanize his character. He’s the damn Punisher for crying out loud! He doesn’t need to be soft! Also, remember what we said about serialization? At 103 minutes, the movie was too short to really build up the evil of the antagonists so we couldn’t really grow to hate Jigsaw, his brother, and the host of criminals offered throughout the movie.

Angela, Character in Punisher War Zone

The Ugly: Jigsaw’s face. Yes, Jigsaw is a core member of the Punisher pantheon (see Amazing Spider-man #162), but we can’t stand him or his idiot brother. Jigsaw (Dominic West) and Loony Bin Jim (Doug Hutchison) are too over the top as characters that they come off as much more annoying than scary.

Jigsaw, Character from Punisher War Zone

Jack Nicholson’s … oh, sooooorry, geez, … the Joker’s doctor came highly recommended.

We really want to give this movie a higher rating, but the relatively boring storyline puts it at a lower mark. Still, that hasn’t stopped us from watching it three times. And repeat viewings are rare things for us.

2.5 star out of 5

Punisher Quote: "Sometimes I'd like to get my hands on God"

The best line in the movie: “Sometimes I’d like to get my hands on God.”

Scenes

Punisher War Zone Movie (2008) - Flare Scene

Punisher War Zone Movie (2008) - Chandelier Scene

We appreciate an efficient killer.

Punisher War Zone Movie (2008) - Parkour Jump Scene

Here goes nothin’!

Punisher War Zone Movie (2008) - Parkour Explosion Scene

Whoops.

Punisher War Zone Movie (2008) - Parkour and Missile Scene

And, that’s pretty much that.

Punisher War Zone: Rock River Arms Tactical CAR-A4 Carbine

Gang boys, come out to playeeyay!

Punisher War Zone Movie (2008) - Micro Scene

Newman!

Punisher War Zone Movie (2008) - Billy the Beaut in the Glass Crusher Scene

Billy the Beaut in the glass crusher = Jigsaw is born

Punisher War Zone Movie (2008) - Angela's House Scene

Julie Benz plays Angela, the widow of an undercover FBI agent the Punisher accidentally killed.

Punisher War Zone Movie (2008) - End Scene

Apparently not.

Posters

Punisher War Zone Movie Poster, staring at you Punisher War Zone Movie Poster, black and white, explosions
Punisher War Zone Movie Poster, aiming close Punisher War Zone Movie Poster, face in shadows
Punisher War Zone Movie Poster, city, skull
Punisher War Zone Movie Poster, surrounded by guns Punisher War Zone Movie Poster, San Diego Comic-Con Exclusive
Punisher War Zone Movie Poster, bullet holes in wall Punisher War Zone Movie Poster, aiming, full body

Milk and Cheese, Those Li’l Devils

17 Apr

It’s a funny thing. At first, we thought we’d rather not, but we reconsidered after Milk’s polite addendum. So, hell-bound we are.

Milk and Cheese, comic book characters

Milk and Cheese. Dairy Products Gone Bad … politely.

Merv Griffin!

Wonder Woman pilot: Who’s Afraid of Diana Prince?

12 Apr

Wonder Woman live action actresses

Wow. It’s amazing the things one can uncover when one dredges the bottom of the Internet. We’ve mentioned live action Wonder Woman appearances before (Brooke Shields in college, Angie Bowie on drugs, Cathy Lee Crosby in a goofy jump suit, Lynda Carter in all her voluptuousness, and dozens of times at comic book conventions). So, here’s one we had never heard of before. It’s probably not obscure to the average Wonder Woman aficionado but to the casual browser, here’s a piece of the Amazon Princess’ history you also may not have been aware of before you stumbled on our illustrious blog.

Back in 1967, somebody got the bright idea that Wonder Woman might make a hot property for a TV series since the zany and campy Batman show had done quite well. So, Batman producer William Dozier picked up the rights to create a show around the femme héroïque and hired comedy writers Larry Siegel and Stan Hart to do the honors in scripting a pilot episode.

It’s a confusing mess. The pilot was titled Who’s Afraid of Diana Prince? which could have been more appropriately named Who the Hell is Diana Prince?. The title character is some self-possessed, man-needy, mother-oppressed annoyance that does not evoke at all what one might expect of the Mighty Amazon. Whereas the comedic turn of Batman in the silly TV series still portrayed the Man with the Cape and Pool Boy Partner as capable, dashing, and successful, Diana is portrayed as a awkward young woman that doesn’t even deserve a good spank.

Linda Harrison, Wonder Woman and Nova

The pilot was never aired. There are small things in life that sometimes give us a little pleasant surprise. This is not one of them.

Enjoy a news article at Newsarama.

Hogan’s Heroes Comic Book Covers

8 Apr

Hogan’s Heroes was one of our favorite shows growing up. We were too young to see the originals but we watched the episodes over and over in syndication. The premise is absurd and the subject matter may be a bit suspect (are Nazis ever really fun?).

Anyway, capitalizing on the success of TVs and movies by pushing out a variety of by-products such as comic books, toys, and games was even more über ubiquitous in the post-WWII period. All it took was some licensing, plastering a brand on a bit of plastic or metal and, zútalo, we had a winner.

We own issue #1. Yeah, no. Not so funny. Weird, kinda. The zany physical humor of the characters, the smugness of Colonel Hogan’s demeanor, and the music (duh) don’t come across in the comic. Kind of a cold fish.

But anyway, we’re sure you’re here because you’re at least curious about what the covers to the issues look like. Here they are for your viewing pleasure. Note: Issue #9 was actually a reprint of issue #1. The only difference is that Dell charged 3¢ more in 1969 than in 1966 when the first issue came out. Cheap bastards.

Hogan's Heroes Dell Comic Book Issue Number One Hogan's Heroes Dell Comic Book Issue Number Two Hogan's Heroes Dell Comic Book Issue Number Three Hogan's Heroes Dell Comic Book Issue Number Four Hogan's Heroes Dell Comic Book Issue Number Five Hogan's Heroes Dell Comic Book Issue Number Six Hogan's Heroes Dell Comic Book Issue Number Seven Hogan's Heroes Dell Comic Book Issue Number Eight Hogan's Heroes Dell Comic Book Issue Number Nine

Come one, come all! Contributors welcome!

6 Apr

Comics A-Go-Go! Blog

If you’ve been around the Comics A-Go-Go! site before, you’ll know we pride ourselves on our superb talent for laziness. Whenever possible, we cut corners on our posts to ensure we have as little time dedicated to real research as possible. OK, that’s partially a lie (hey, we do that a hell of a lot on our site too). If it’s something that grabs our interest, we’ll actually waste a ton of time reading up on the topic (although that effort doesn’t usually translate into something profound for you, oh dear reader). Case in point is the previous post on Samaritans. We didn’t know if the Samaritan ethno-religion even existed anymore. When we discovered it did, we tried to find out what was new and interesting about their culture. Apparently not much. Samaritanism is almost a dead sect. And, go find reading material and images about Samaritan women. We wasted over an hour trying to get details on females that practice the religion. Pretty much nada other than the thing we found out about the Ukraianian brides.

Teddy Roosevelt at the bully pulpit

Scene from Network, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

Now, now. No reason to get angry. Just breathe and accept Fate. Let it go, man. Let it go. [Note: What the hell?! "...daily savings!" It's supposed to say "Daylight savings!" Aw, phooey. We should probably change it. But it'll take a few minutes. And we just don't feel like it. Ah, the laziness sets in again, all snuggly-like. Mmmm.]

Jerry Falwell gives admonitionSooooo, anyway. We’re tired of writing and editing images all the time. We’ve had guest contributors before and we think it’s about time to solicit more. If any of you have any interest in providing content for a post, let us know by dropping a comment below. We don’t even care what it’s about so long as it isn’t completely immoral or useless.

Catwoman actresses

Do you like lists and voting? Go on then. Give us a topic.

Indian Yogi on cell phone

Got some hot stock tips? Share them too!

We’ll post your contribution with credits (actual or anonymous depending on your preference) to you. We’d love for the post to be about comics, movies, music, or other pop culture items. We welcome news pieces. We don’t mind posting a rant or two. So, show us what you’ve got. And if we don’t like it, we’ll probably still post it with a disclaimer.

Time Magazine Gay Marriage Cover April 2013

Holy damn! Time magazine has jumped into the fray and has released variant covers of their April 8, 2013 issue on Gay Marriage. The folks at Image Comics should be impressed. Just wait until the Chromium Holographix Limited Edition cover with Alan Scott and Sam [what's his last name anyway?] is released next month.

Gay Superhero Alan Scott kisses Sam on the cover of Time Magazine

Exclusive! This is the extremely rare Time Magazine cover for April 8, 2013 that highlights gay marriage. Only one of these comics exist. Now, that’s rare.

We’ll start you off. Here’s an example from someone that commented a while ago.

Subject line: Glam Rock doesn’t suck. You do.

How can you say glam rock is no good. Glam rock ROCKS!!!!!!! Mott the Hoople New York Dolls Slade David Bowie Roxy Music and more more more!!!!!! [editorial comment: no mention of Gary Glitter]. These R bands that live 4ever!! You suck. You dont have good music taste’s.  Only people that [editorial comment: this is a PG-13 site, mostly, so we're going to edit this phrase and just say that the commenter indicated we should do certain things to ourselves and our mothers that we are pretty sure are illegal and painful] dont like GLAM rock!!!!!

OK, so we clearly touched a nerve. Well, what can we say? We don’t like the whole glam rock scene. But we respect the desire of others to dress up like drag queens and spew gallons of bombastic music upon those that enjoy that sort of thing.

Anyway, you get the idea.

Amanda MacKinnon Gaiman @#%!ing Palmer has wedded and bedded Neil Gaiman

31 Mar

We didn’t know that.  Yeah. We’re always late to the show. Well, a belated congratulations to show-off Amanda and Neil “The Pretty Tim Burton” Gaiman. Say, speaking of pronunciation, we’ve never bothered learning how to pronounce Neil’s last name. So, give us a few minutes and we’ll go find out somewhere on the World Wide Interweb.

Neil Gaiman, author

OK, got it. For those of you also in the out-of-the-know, it’s “/ˈɡeɪmən/” with emphasis on the first syllable. If you’ve forgotten your pronunciation tables like we have, we’ll help you out: “GAY-mun.” The name is Polish in origin. And now you know.

So anyway, “Amanda and Neil sitting on a log, scribing and chanting in a misty fog. First comes horror, then comes pain, then comes an amulet on a chain. Finger it, worship it, mark it with a “z” and soon there’ll be stories for gerds like me.” Hey, it’s the first image and music that came to mind when we closed our eyes and thought of that blessed/cursed union. Don’t judge us!

Eh. That’s pretty much it. We’re going over to Youtube now to watch some footage from Amanda’s latest catalog.

Amanda Fucking Palmer

Won’t someone pay attention to me?

Ile Juan de Nova – the island that’s shaped like a hat

24 Mar

We kind of like the islands of the Indian Ocean. Our favorites are Bird Island in Seychelles (although we’d better get some love from our fellow country folk or that will change) and the Maldives.  We’re going to add Ile Juan de Nova (Juan de Nova Island) to the list just because it looks like a broad rimmed hat.

Ile Juan de Nova (Juan de Nova Island)

Hmm. We wonder what Juan de Nova Island would look like in the funny books …

Action Comics number one, the first appearance of Superman

Peyton Riley, the Ventriloquist and Scarface the puppet

Is that a gangster on your thumb or are you just thinking about me?

The villainess Peyton Riley from Batman comics

We got this from a place called Emcosplay. It’s a French website. We don’t speak Frog, but clearly they have good taste. Go on, then. Go enjoy some cosplay. But you’d better come back. Scarface shouldn’t be left alone.

Will Eisner's The Spirit

Kid Colt vs. Doctor Danger and the Invisible Gunman

Doctor Danger’s hat is cool, but the Juan de Nova hat is aces.

Cheese, Please! Comic Book Characters

23 Mar

Cheese

Our research indicates that there are seven comic book characters that are directly affiliated with cheese. There may be more, but that’s what we found. Rather than give you the full background, image galleries, and applicable links to good resources, we’ll settle with the list of characters and a brief synopsis. Sorry about the limited scope of the post.

Blue Cheese block1. Benny Blue (supporting character), Langier Publishers.

1st appearance: Funny Money #3 (1937).

About: Deli owner in the Marvin & Louise strips. Appeared several times in Funny Money issues 3-14. Marvin constantly repeated that Benny’s cheese sandwiches were “aces!” and since most of the story lines took place in or around the deli, the cheese sandwiches figured prominently in the stories.

A slice of Swiss cheese2. Swiss Miss (hero), Milestone Color Printers.

1st appearance: War Heroes #2 (1943).

About: Secret agent. Supposedly neutral socialite but really working with the Allied resistance. Helped Captain Robert Stanley and his Wonder Warriors cross the Alps to infiltrate and sabotage the German/Italian divisions in Northern Italy during WWII. Her family is apparently in the cheese business or something. She wears a brooch in the shape of a slice of cheese . Appeared again in War Heroes #5.

A block of Limburger cheese3. Col. Ludwig Von Limburger (villain), Starlight Enterprises.

1st appearance: Allied Assault #1 (1944).

About: Single issue by short-lived magazine company trying to capitalize on the anti-German nationalistic fervor during WWII. Col. Von Limburger was a an officer in the SS that converted his family’s cheese factory into a weapons manufacturing facility. The allies were able to thwart an attack by the Colonel’s unit, however, because they could smell them coming.

A slice of brie cheese4. Lorraine Brie (supporting character), Ace Comics

1st appearance: Four Favorites #7 (1948).

About: Beautiful and vampy. Made Lightning Lass jealous when she stole Lash Lightning’s attention. Only appeared in one issue in volume three. Daughter of a cheese exporter that trafficked ships through Egypt’s Suez Canal.

A bag of Russian quark cheese5. Comrade Cheese (villain), Marvel.

1st appearance:  Captain America Comics #77 (1954).

About: Russian spy. KGB mole in cheese factory in the Bronx. No contact with Captain America and only appeared in two panels. Disappeared and was never caught.

A slice of cheddar cheese6. Chester Cheese (goofball), Disney.

1st appearance: Walt Disney’s Wonderful World Vol 7 (1956)

About: Recurring character in one page backup stories in issues vol. 2, #62-79, 91-98, and 101. Obsessed with cheddar cheese. Always fitting it into his punchlines.

A round of hard cheese7. Hard Round (villain), DC

1st appearance: Sensation Comics #42 (1943)

About: Part of a crime syndicate that used specialty objects to destroy and kill. Famous for throwing deadly rounds of cheese at heroes and innocents. Was caught and went to prison but escaped by getting kitchen duty and getting a hold of cheese to break down the outer wall. Was caught and put into isolation where the warden mandated that he was not to get anymore cheese in his meals.

Others that didn’t cut the cheese: The Kurd Curd (a disparaging caricature from an Iraqi children’s comic book), Pierre Roquefort (not really a comic book character; he is an animated character on the short-lived The Cat’s Meow! series, Mario Mozzarella from a 1970s one-shot American Cheese Society advertising comic called Cheese if You Please, Mizithra, the Greek warrior that figures into an illustrated version of a book about Greek myths called The Adventures of Heracles of Macedon (no publication date), and Max Munster the villain in the CBS Saturday morning cartoon by the same name that ran from 1968-1971.

Biggest Dick in Comic Books

22 Mar

Continuing the manipulative Biggest Asses and Biggest Boobs in Comic Books themes, here’s the Biggest Dick in Comic Books post. Next up? The Biggest Beaches in Comic Books. Again, before you go off the rails, these posts are gimmicks mostly to attract indexing from search engines to in turn attract horny fanboys (and girls too, maybe?) all so we can just let you down. We’ll take your visit and page views though. Ha!

Stick around for the funny stuff. Browse the through the rest of our 300+ posts for some of the funniest stuff you’ll ever read. Well, it’s funny to us anyway. Mostly.

Incidentally, yes, we know that these pictures are taken out of context, but we don’t care for Superman so we’ll take a page out of Karl Rove’s book and go after The Big Blue, Red, and Yellow Dick just because it serves our greater purpose. Has Comics A-Go-Go! ever claimed to be a source of responsible blogging? Yeah, no.

The Biggest Dick of Them All

Why is he a big dick: This guy gets waaaaaay too much press as some sort of do-gooder. But the reality is that Superman may be the biggest dick of them all. Let the pictures do the speaking.  

Superman and Wonder Woman

KLUDD!? Why, Superman, clocking the Lady from Lesbos when she isn’t looking is just downright dirty pool. As for Wonder Woman, get therapy, learn to respect yourself, and move on. Superman’s dick isn’t worth it.

Superman is a bad superhero. He deserves to die. Again.

What the hell?! Who wrote this crap? John Byrne illustrated it at least, right. We should have put him in our Biggest Asses in Comics post.

Superman kills Wonder Woman

We’ve heard Supes goes bonkers when he has a Vitamin D deficiency.

Superman the Killer

Superman’s chocking fetish gets him into trouble again.

Superman is heartless.

Hmm? Oh, not much. Just watching the world burn.

Superman, Abuser of women

Bullying? Really? What’s the matter? Do you have a small dick so you’re taking it out on women? Wait, that didn’t come out right.

Superman slaps President John F. Kennedy

Slapping Kennedy? Reagan we understand, but JFK? Superman, you are a classless dick. Plus you’re paranoid. JFK was too busy banging Marilyn Monroe to concoct some sort of scheme like this.

Superboy is evil

Holy Mother of  Pearl. With great power comes great … insanity? Superboy is a sadistic dick.

Where is Eeyore? We cry foul!

18 Mar

Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore Too bookOur recent tongue-in-check post on the Biggest Asses in Comics (This time there really are asses) made us realize something. Eeyore, the depressed donkey from the Winnie the Pooh stories, is noticeably absent from the covers of comic books in which he appears. He shows up on a cover once. And we’re not even sure it’s him since he’s smiling.

Seriously. Go look it up yourself. Of course Winnie is on pretty much every cover. He is the titular (we love that word) character after all. And of course Piglet (best bud) and Tigger (most fun and most popular supporting character) are all over the place. Kanga and Li’l Roo figure in quite a bit. But even Owl, and to a lesser degree Rabbit, are found on multiple covers. In fact, on ensemble covers, all of the characters get some space … except Eeyore.

Eeyore from Disney's Winnie the Pooh stories

We’d like to scream “RACISM!” but we’re not sure stuffed animals can be categorized into races. So, maybe we’ll cry “SEXISM!” but Eeyore is a male (at least that’s what we deduce from his voice in the Disney flicks and in pronouns creator A.A. Milne used for Eeyore in his stories). “AGISM!” … nope. He doesn’t seem to be any older than Owl, for example. “HEIGHTISM!” … nah. He’s not any bigger or smaller than the others. “ABLEISM!” Could be. He does seem a bit slow, but the other characters aren’t unkind to him even if he is a bit of an oaf.

How about “HOMOPHOBIA!”? That’s the pink elephant in the room that’s all the rage today. But not a few decades back when the comics were coming out. Besides, we see no indication of sexual activity in Pooh’s Corner. Cripes, nobody even knows who Roo’s dad is or where he’s at. It’s like Roo just sort of sprang out of Kanga’s pouch fully formed. Must be another one of those immaculate conception things. So, what gives? Well, swinging back to racism (or, at least ethnicism or nationalism depending on where the DNA takes you), the only thing we can figure is that Eeyore is Jewish. We know what Disney thinks of the Hebrew crowd. So, yeah. That’s it. Poor Eeyore. You may be a nebbish, but we still love you.

Winnie the Pooh Comics

Where is Eeyore? Where is Eeyore? I don’t know. I don’t know. Was he here this morning? Yonder comes Walt Disney. Run away. Run away.

 

Eeyore and Dr. Zoidberg are sad Jewish characters

Tigger and Eeyore parody Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson

Yikes!

Biggest Asses in Comic Books – This time there really are asses

9 Mar

In the biblical sense, we are dead on. Here are two of the biggest asses in comic books. If there are others we’ve missed, let us know.

Donkey from Shrek

Why he is a big ass: Oh, Lord Vishnu! Finally, an actual ass in comics. And not just any old ass – a SMART ASS too!

Shrek Comic Book

That’s odd. We couldn’t think of anything clever to write on the image. So, you get a pristine picture for a change. Lucky you.

Donkey from the Shrek Comic Books

Same.

Eyeore

Why he is a big ass: Well, big is stretching it, but he’s an ass because … well … like Donkey, Eeyore really is an ass!  That is, in the Bible-sanctioned definition of the word. As for being an ass in comics, we thought that we were stretching it but we subsequently remembered that Winnie the Pooh comics were published by Whitman and others in large volumes back in the 1960s/1970s. So Eeyore counts.

We have a soft spot for Eeyore. His clinical depression is no laughing matter.

Winnie the Pooh and crew. Eeyore is very forlorn

Eeyore on the cover of Walt Disney Presents Winnie the Pooh (Whtiman Comics)

Biggest Asses in Comic Books – You assed for it you got it

7 Mar

Big Ass

We don’t want to admit it “butt” our post on the Biggest Boobs in Comics is still barreling ahead as the #1 post on our site (with the post on Power Girl‘s boobs catching up from behind). So, since we’ve already sold out, we might as well booty bounce south and enjoy the view from behind (“bare” with us, though, it doesn’t look “ass” bad as it sounds). Clearly there are a lot of folks looking for large breasts in the popular illustrated arts, but we don’t want to neglect those that  come seeking ample buttocks as well. Skinny asses, plump asses, bad asses, and kick asses. You want asses? We got ‘em!

Tin Woodsman and Bender

If you typed “shiny metal ass” into a browser search and it brought you here, don’t blame us. We’re not responsible for Google.

Daniel Clowes Pussy

“I came for the updates on the Syrian conflict and stayed for the donuts.”

Buuuuut, as with our Boobs post, you will most likely be dismayed as you browse this post. Yes, we’ll throw you some gratuitous pictures, but for the most part, we’re just manipulating search indexes to get higher rankings. Since the Internet really is mostly for porn, we’ve found that the best way to increase visibility is to play along. OK, having said that, we should clarify that the best way to increase visibility, if one is lazy like us, is to pander to the banal (heh). Anyway, if you’re too horny and depraved to stay, sorry to see you go (not really). Otherwise, pull your pants back up, sit back and enjoy the #1 most snarky blog about mostly comics, music, movies, politics, and apparently things that might sound pornographic but aren’t.

Big Ass! It’s important to pepper our post with the “ass” word so Google and Bing think they can figure out what this post is all about. Of course, we may be hurting ourselves by referencing search engines and their methods … hmmm. This could backfire on us….

Anyway, it may seem like we have Tourettes what with all of the references to butts, but we are actually in control. Incidentally, we’re going to define “big ass” here as someone that has  had the effect of causing bad stuff directly or indirectly through their behaviors. We’re not going to focus on “big dicks.” Big dicks are different because they are flat out jerks. As for the folks on this list, we have no idea what they are like on a personal level. We’re just addressing their public personas and their comics-related work. And of course, as always, most of this is tongue in cheek; so, Rob, consider that when you sic[sic] your lawyers on us. Besides, until we get some serious traffic and turn on the advertising, we have no money. So, anyway, on with our Big Asses in Comic Book Gimmick!

Kevin Smith

Kevin Smith in a trenchcoatWhy he is a big ass: Have you heard him talk at a Comic-Con panel? We’re not sure why he tries so hard to be edgy and devil-may-care-ish. He has enough street cred that he doesn’t have to do it. And, you know we love the F-Word — its versatility makes it exactly the right word for a variety of contexts. But there is a threshold that changes a dialogue from edgy and passionate to unnecessary and annoying. Kevin can be very annoying and given his recent trend in movie making, he may be making himself unnecessary as well (ouch). Time for a makeover and a career overhaul, Kevin. Or, just stay the way you are but switch to show tunes.

Kevin Smith has terrible taste in clothes

Keven Smith goes Prêt-à-porter. Old Navy Clearance Rack + Fannz XXXL = Here Comes the Hotstepper.

Rob Liefeld

Rob Liefeld

“Jack Kirby, Al Williamson, Alex Ross, Geoff Darrow, etc., etc. They ain’t got nothin’ on me.

Why he is a big ass: Well, along with the next dude on the list and a team of evil flying monkeys, he virtually destroyed the ground-breaking improvements in story-telling, character development, and artwork that had transpired the decade before. His work is bloated and indulgent. It is also lazy (and given how lazy we are, that sort of criticism is a a big punch in the nads). We do feel bad that we’ve picked on him so much. Seriously. Unlike the Kims of North Korea or al-Assads of Syria, Rob doesn’t torture people physically (although perhaps psychologically). So that’s why he’s an ass instead of a shit. And, Rob draws asses and tits too. Lots of them. But most are not images of women, at least from what we’ve observed.

Rob Liefeld artwork

Frank Miller

Frank Miller goes Orthodox

Just in! Frank Millers converts to Judaism (although no one will take credit for the circumcision)  and begins writing an epic graphic novel of biblical proportions titled: “Torah! Torah! Torah!” It’s sure to offend everyone.

Why he is a big ass: OK, for much of our comic book hobbying experience, we’ve viewed Frank Miller as a bombastic and arrogant but brilliant creator. But there’s a difference between arrogant and downright mean (you know, kind of like what we’re doing in this post). His rants on the “Occupy Wall Street” movement show how out of touch he is with the American democratic experiment. He is certainly entitled to his opinions, misguided though they are, but referring to the Occupy-tionalists, as “a pack of louts, thieves, and rapists” is out of order. We know every last one of the Occupy Wall Street activists and not one of them is a lout. And that isn’t the worst of Frank’s invectives. Incidentally, Ty Templeton had some pretty sweet retorts (which would have had more punch if he hadn’t been Canadian, damn his eyes). Ty is super-talented, but after taking on Misanthropic Miller, he went up a couple more notches on our flag pole. By the way, the link takes you to a post where Ty uses the word “ass.” Booyah!

We do need to give Frank some props though. In general, we think his storytelling is interesting and his art is innovative. And, he does occasionally draw dames’ assess.Frank Miller comic book characters

Frank Miller

Frank Miller during his Maynard G. Krebs phase. Notice the boyish scowl. We get headaches when we scowl. Frank is superior to us in so many ways.

Robert Crumb

Robert Crum, cartoonist

Nope. You sure aren’t.

Why he is a big ass: Good ol’ R. draws girls with big asses. But he’s also a Grade A Prime Ass himself. His comics are misogynistic. And yet, he’s still a darling of the feminist and lesbian community. Go figure. Gloria Steinem had an affair with him in the early 1980s and Ellen Degeneres stated that if she were straight, R. Crumb would be her man. And apparently he has James Woods-like wood. Seriously, go look it up. But this isn’t a post about dicks. That’s coming at some later date. Maybe in conjunction with The Biggest Pussies in Comics. Oh, do go on now! It’s not what you think, though. We’ll be focusing on Fritz the Cat. Who, hold on a second now …

Robert Crump art

… and this is one of his tamer illustrations, believe it or not.

Todd McFarlane

Todd McFarlane trading card

You know, for years we thought Todd was holding a sword until we wrote this post. Oddly, it just doesn’t seem as cool that he’s swinging a bat. And what the hell is the point of the shirtless look? Really? We’re all for nudity, but was this necessary?

Why he is a big ass:  Todd was the comic book industry’s first millionaire playboy. And how did he  spend his money? He bought the 70th home run ball from also-an-ass Mark McGwire’s record chasing (and breaking … bad) season back in 1998. That, instead of getting storytelling help from Peter David. That, instead of a mass apology to the entire comic book industry for single-handedly destroying Mary Jane Watson (OK, OK, double-handedly because David Micheline deserves to be derided as well).


Mary Jane Watson, Marvel Comics Character

Pink cowboy hat. Check. Curly tressels. Check. Odd-shaped face. Check. High Waisted Mom Jeans. Check. You’ve got a McFarlane!

Mary Jane Watson kisses Peter Parker

Long straight dark red hair. Check. Chopped bangs. Check. Smarty pants comments even during a romantic interlude. Check. You’ve got a worthy Mary Jane Watson!

Superman by Todd McFarlane

Look! It’s a two-fer. Todd McFarlane AND Superman. By the way, both of you, if you have to fly holding on to your cape so it doesn’t flap around, consider NOT wearing the cape. You’re a mincing Nancy boy, Superman.

Anyway, of all the reasons Todd McFarlane is an ass, this is the biggest one of all.

Comic Book Cover Variants

Yes, it’s possible the decision was made by others to create all the variants, but we doubt it. We’re blaming Todd for starting the hobby-shattering practice of releasing a bajillion variant cover comics and a whole bunch of “#1″ and “Special Issue” comics. Bad, Todd. Bad. Bad.

And there you have it. The biggest asses in comic books. What now? Whatcha sayin’? We forgot the biggest ass of them all? OK, fair’s fair. We proudly accept your derision. Your disdain sustains us.

Comics A-Go-Go, irresponsible blogging at its best

Comics A-Go-Go! Asses ahoy!

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