Lazy Dude Cosplay

6 Oct

So, I walked out of the exhibitor hall to find an outlet where I could charge my phone and cool my heels. While I was hanging out in the lobby, I saw cosplayers all over the place and realized I was missing opportunities to get closer to my goal of 1,000 cosplayer pictures. My phone cord isn’t very long and my dogs were barking, so I sat against the wall and shot pictures of people as they went by. I felt incredibly lazy because I was sitting down and shouting out to people to get their picture as they passed me.

Homer Simpson in Superman shirt and white underwear

I wonder if I could get away with this.

I kind of like this approach. Next year I think I’ll bring a fold-up chair with a beverage holder and do the same thing until the bullies in the blue and yellow uniforms come tell me I can’t have a chair in the hall. Of course, then I’ll have to figure out what to do with the chair since I am not paying the bag check people to hold on to it. Aw. Screw the chair. I’ll just sit on the ground again. So, if you see some dude hanging out against the wall yelling at you to take your picture, it may be me. I am dedicated to getting 1,000 pictures next year. You could be one of them. Doesn’t that sound fantastic?

 

 

Cosplay in the lobby at Comic-Con 2013

 

 

The Top 5 Things I Wonder About Women

6 Oct

Men are from Venus, Women are from MarsI’ve got questions. Mostly I just shrug off the whole Venus vs. Mars stuff because I don’t understand it or I don’t care, but some things that are peculiar to me hang around in my head and eventually I just have to know what they are all about. So, right now, I’m wondering about things that I’ve seen women do that don’t make sense to me. These things are mostly just stuff I am curious about, so I’m not intending to pass judgment.

Oh, hell, that’s a lie. I wouldn’t have written this damn post if these things didn’t frustrate me. Of course, to be fair, women can (and actually have at length as you will note if you have a Pinterest account) written a shitload about stuff that guys do that bothers them. That’s absolutely fair. Men suck. I’m an expert with first hand experience. But all that boohoo is for another time. (Why the hell did all of that sound sexual?)

High heels

Model stumbling in high heelsFrom what I gather, high heels accentuate the curves of a woman’s legs and perk up her ass. They also lengthen the look of her legs because longer legs are sexy, so says the scripture. Got it. What I don’t understand is why women think the pain is worth it. I’m all for sexy, but no one needs to suffer to get my attention. I’ve asked women friends if they like wearing heels and no one has said yes, although I think a couple said the heels didn’t hurt as much as others made out. However, I see women taking their heels off in classy settings like restaurants or highbrow soirees. If they don’t hurt, how would a person who is physically self-conscious enough to dress to the nines justify this? There’s psychology afoot (ha!) but I just don’t know what it is.

Cleaning the house for visitors

Empty room in a house

Add a big screen and couch and I’m done.

I just don’t get this one. Like many a home, our house usually ranges anywhere from blah to a mess when it’s just me and the family. But as soon as we find out visitors are coming, it’s all hands on deck. I understand that people need a place to walk and sit so obstructions have to be moved off the couch and around the front door. But why the hell do I need to scrub the toilet? Toilets are where people’s shit and piss go. Is it necessary that they look like a bowl ready for cereal? (I love cereal. I get grief for that too, but I’ll leave that one be).

Meanness to each other

I think this is what gave me the idea for this post. I observed this again recently and it vexes me. Meanness isn’t unique to women at all; it’s just the approach that confuses me.

Mean girls

Maybe they’re mean because their high heals are hurting their feet.

The place I work hired four women in close succession for the office. None of them knew each other beforehand. Almost immediately after we hired the last two, three of them banded together and shunned the fourth one. Over time, I heard the three saying disparaging things about the fourth using words like “airhead” and “slut.” She ended up having attendance problems so was let go. After that the clique rearranged itself and one of the other women is now on the outs. Apparently, her issue is that she is an emotional mess that can’t hold down a boyfriend or something like that. This isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed this sort of thing. Whether it’s in other workplaces or in my own family, women and girls can be very cruel to each other. I asked a friend about the phenomen and she gave the same answer my teenage daughter did: “they just are.” What the hell kind of answer is that? I think it might have something to do with emotional boo-boos and empty hoo-hoos. Ah, sometimes sexism just hits the spot.

I guess my incredulity can partially be blamed on chauvinism. I grew up in a society that taught us women are the more gentle sex. In actuality, they’re probably no worse than men. We do our own idiotic thing as well. When a guy accomplishes something awesome, other dudes say things like: “Did you build that?! I didn’t know you knew how to use tools. It’s a good thing you didn’t cut your fingers off.” The translation: “Holy shit, that’s impressive. I feel threatened by your mad skills.”

Cleavage

Ass crack and cleavage humorI used to work with a woman that dolled herself up something plenty fierce. She always wore shirts with diving necklines so people could see the tops of her tits (like the picture to the right). She often moaned that men were constantly staring at her chest. She made the classic chick statement: “Hey buddy, I’m up here!” more than a few times as she pointed to her head. During one such incident, I guess I was fed up with it because I pointed at her boobs and said: “Yeah, but you’re also down here and I’m more interested in this.” I’m kind of surprised I wasn’t sitting in HR that afternoon.

Burps and Farts

What’s wrong with burps and farts? Is it a jealousy thing? Dudes simply do some things better than the ladies. However, I think if a girl intentionally rips one in front of a guy and then busts out laughing, he’ll probably want to have sex with her right there … after the air clears, of course.

Here’s a funny clip of French Stewart taking the game up a notch.

OK, stupid sexist remarks aside, I really do wonder about these things.

Size of the United States Compared to Other Countries

5 Oct

I was curious to know how other countries compared in size to the United States, so I pulled images of countries that have been on my mind recently from Wikipedia and Google.

The United States is fourth largest in land area. Russia is the biggest by far, Canada is next, and then China is just a smidge larger. Here are some visual aids to give you comparative sizes of the U.S. in comparison with Australia, Iran, North Korea, Russia, Syria, the United Kingdom. I plotted out U.S. cities that are roughly the same distance from the furthest points of each country. The distances are as the crow flies, not travel distance based on roadways. I also didn’t compensate for the curvature of the Earth but the layout is accurate enough to get the picture.

United States compared to Australia

Comparative sizes of the United States and Australia

United States compared to Iran

Comparative sizes of the United States and Iran

United States compared to North Korea

Comparative sizes of the United States and North Korea

United States compared to Russia

Comparative sizes of the United States and Russia

United States compared to Syria

Comparative sizes of the United States and Syria

United States compared to the United Kingdom

Comparative sizes of the United States and the United Kingdom

Since I’ve made fun of everyone else (except Australia — the Aussies escaped our pokes this time; we’ll have to correct that at some point), here’s a jab at the United States.

And here’s your bonus. Latveria may be a very small country, but it is ruled with an iron hand by a despotic and dangerous dictator.

United States compared to Latveria

Comparative size of United States and Latveria

Breaking Bad is Over and I Want a New Drug

30 Sep

Breaking Bad Felina

Don’t worry, no spoilers here.

The body is still warm and I’m already moving on. Five incredible seasons of Breaking Bad ended tonight leaving me with a nasty case of the shakes, and I haven’t even come down off my high yet for crying out loud.

Breaking Bad, Jesse Pinkman

The problem with a really good television show is that it can suck a person into a hardcore habit. I rarely watch TV because I just don’t have the drive to commit to a program. But when a show like Breaking Bad comes along, I get hooked. Then, I fear the end of the series because I know I’ll miss the exhilarating rush that comes with looking forward to and enjoying each new episode. Hell, I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow, but if Breaking Bad were still on, I could tell you what I would be doing next Sunday evening.

I’m not going to get into the show, its history, its virtues, its brilliance in writing and acting, or its impact on television. You can shop that plenty of other places. I’m just giving you a moment to go through withdrawals with me and to wonder how and when we’ll get our next fix. Shit, maybe we all need help.

Nah. Take it away, Amy Winehouse!

“They tried to make me go to rehab but I said, ‘No, no, no.’ …”

Comics A-Go-Go on Breaking Bad

Monsters University Movie Review

28 Sep

Monsters University Logo

Guest Review of Man of Steel by Jason F. SmithHere’s another review from Jason F. Smith. Tremendous apologies to writer and readers alike. I had this sitting in my email and I just kept forgetting to sit down and add it.  If you’re thinking of renting or purchasing the movie, hear what Jason has to say about it.  Since there’s a possibility that a youngster or discriminating parent may read this review, I’ve taken the liberty to water down some of Jason’s more colorful language.

 
It’s been a heck week here and yesterday at about 3:25 I had had enough. I told my son Riley to get up and we were going to the movie. In Heber, we had Man of Steel and Monsters University as choices, and I hated Man of Steel. At 3:40 we arrived to the 3:30 showing of Monsters University, handily skipping all the previews, and sat down.

Let me just say: Perfect Movie.

  • The animation is incredible. It just gets better and better in terms of quality of looking real.
  • The animation of the monsters and the campus was also absolutely incredible, the feel of a college campus was evoked while at the same time each frame was chock full of details and bits and hidden little jokes.
  • The two main voice actors, Billy Crystal and John Goodman are absolutely perfect.
  • The story… perfect. Not a single itch. NOT A SINGLE ONE. Never once do you go… what the …? NEVER ONCE.
  • The characters, motivations, are intricate, yet simple, and believable. There were genuine moments of emotional honestly, and my heart filled with emotion more than once.

And… the writing was always ‘fresh’, clever, and funny. This can’t be understated: The story itself surprises you, and yet it doesn’t. It delivers what you expect, but in a surprising way, without having to be hokey and irritating. That is a skill lost in Hollywood. The desire to ‘surprise’ you like in that hokeyTom Cruise movie Oblivion led them to the stupidest decisions. Pixar has no need to do that. They surprise you within the story, yet fulfill your expectations. No need to make you gasp. Instead… you just smile and nod your head.

If I had one word describing this storytelling? Graceful. It’s gracefully done.

And finally, seeing it with my 17 year old son was a trip, because as a child he LOVED Monsters Incorporated, it was one of those DVDs that he watched over and over again at home. Now grown up to watch it from a more adult angle, he really enjoyed it, and the time we spent together. It was cathartic magic.

Am I blowing this movie up out of proportion? Probably. But man it hit the spot.

 

Monsters University - Mike and Sulley
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