We’ve been thinking about the upcoming presidential elections recently. Not sure why. There must be something going on that has triggered it.
One of the things that has perplexed us is the assignment of individual colors to the large number of major parties in the United States. It’s hard to keep up since the colors range all the way from two: red and blue. But if we take all of many major American parties off the table except just a couple of the main players (…OK, we’re done with the sarcasm about our two-party system), the color assignment of red to the Republicans and blue to the Democrats seems counter-intuitive. When we think of those two colors in the context of the platforms of the two parties, here’s what comes to mind:
Red = Godless Commies = Democrats
Blue = God-fearing Blue bloods = Republicans
[you like that little visual trick with the colors of the words not matching? Confuses the brain, right?]
But perhaps we have come to judgment too quickly. Upon greater reflection, the color assignments may make sense as follows:
Republican Red = All fired up and ready for war!
As in: “Cody ‘n’ Hunter, grab yer guns! We’re headin’ to Eye-rack to find Osama bin Obama! Next we’re goin’ inta North Koreastan!”
Democratic Blue = Serene and ready for talking
As in: “So, I think if, if, if you consider all of the … salient points put forth by this Administration about when to go to war and … when … it’s best to sort of transcend the sabre rattling rhetoric in search of common ground … it’s as if … well, let me reference a quote in my book from a French journalist I spent some time with during our assignment to Afghanistan … he said, he … felt like the reeeason we … meaning our respective governments, ultimately stayed with the program … ah … was because in the long term, if … after all the … bold … sort of posturing one might expect, then if … we have not considered the social context of the … indigenous peoples and their tribal leaders that we have encountered during our assignments … well, let me, let me put it this way … when it’s best to consider the alternative perspective I posit in my book that the relationship between disagreeing factions and the effectiveness of economic sanctions as a sort of litmus test, if you will …”
Republican Red = Redneck, guns, guts, grit for true American spirit
As in: “I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. ‘Cuz there ain’t no doubt I don’t know any better. God bless the U.S.A.!”
Democratic Blue = Avatar, utopian fantasy world with sensitivity for native people
As in: “We are here to learn from you, not tell you how you should live your lives. Your’s is a bold and proud people. There is so much we can be taught. Let us sit with you. Walk with you. Eat with you. Sleep with you. … Why are you poking Henry with your spears?”
Republican Red = Red in the face, heart attack
As in: “Obesity is a government-created propoganda machine so Obamacare can take over our pocketbooks and take away our freedom! … Ow. Dammit. Feels like my left arm and shoulder are on fire … Hurk!”
Democratic Blue = I can’t feel my toes or fingers
As in: “Yes, I am a vegan. All life forms are spiritual in nature and we are simply a part of the greater whole. Now, please excuse me. I feel faint.”
Republican Red = Out for blood and bleeding for the flag
As in: “I would DIE for the Constitution! And where in the Constitution does it call for the forming of an IRS? Huh? Nowhere! The IRS is an anti-American institution. You know what’s disgusting? An American flag is flying on a flagpole right outside the damn IRS offices! Yeah, that’s right. They’re flying our ####### colors at full mast right above the largest, most fraudulent waste of tax payer money there is! I would DIE for that flag!”
Democratic Blue = Water from melting ice caps is a serious concern
As in: “Perhaps we have done ourselves a disservice. We really should have pushed the term “climate volatility” instead of “global warming.” It’s more difficult to convince the public that an aggregation of data demonstrates that the planet is in fact warming up while individual episodes of cold perhaps are conceived as otherwise. We will need to improve how we talk down to them so as to communicate at their level.”
Republican Red = red ink to cross off new IRS regulations
As in: “You ask me why I keep beating the same damn horse? The IRS is an illegal institution. It practices a socialist method of redistributing wealth from hard-working people to those that sit on their asses all day collecting welfare checks. I got a job. I work even harder in this bad economy to stay sharp and to compete. Why should I sacrifice some of my money for people that are too lazy to go to work. Just giving them money doesn’t work. The IRS can go ##### itself.”
Democratic Blue = blue pen to sign yet another piece of legislation
As in: “We can see what happened during the period of de-regulation. Left on their own, financial institutions would continue to run roughshod over the 99%. The way to solve this is to ensure no institution or individual is able to take advantage of the American people by walking through loopholes in the tax code. So, what we … sorry, what’s that? … No I do NOT take money from special interest groups … What? … No, I don’t think … I don’t recall … no comment.”
Our new favorite color is orange.
What do you think? Add some red/blue comments of your own or let us know what color you prefer.