First of all, the word “anthropomorphic” shouldn’t exist. I can never remember how to spell it. Second, who came up with the idea of anthropomorphizing animals anyway? It’s weird. Disney didn’t but he deserves an Ignoble Award anyway for giving us pants-less ducks and dogs with dogs (OK, Pluto isn’t Goofy’s dog, but you get the idea).
Of all the animals that shouldn’t be anthropomorphized, the ones that should be anthropomorphized the least are as follows. Incidentally, if you’ve made it this far and don’t know what anthropomorphize means, let me explain. It’s the practice of giving non-human objects human attributes.
The only reason mosquitoes aren’t #1 is because I have to deal with them right now and get it out of the way. I hate mosquitoes. Who doesn’t? In fact, “I actually really like mosquitoes and enjoy having them around,” said nobody ever. Even scientists that study them hate them. And fish that eat their larvae are self-loathing creatures with very high suicide rates. Mosquitoes are God’s worst practical joke.
Chuck E. Cheese more than offsets any “cuteness” Jerry or the mice in Cinderella may project. Incidentally, I wasn’t aware that pizza could ever be made to taste badly until I went to Chuck E. Cheese.
8. Jar-Jar Binks
OK, Jar-Jar is really an alien but he looks like an anthropomorphizoid. He should never have been created. Never ever. No never.
I’m sure to catch hell for this, but I don’t like talking horses. Horses should not be anthropomorphized. I feel threatened.
Why bother? They’re our cousins anyway.
As if the world wasn’t scary enough.
4. Billy Ray Cyrus
I don’t know what kind of animal Billy Ray is but he isn’t human and we should stop pretending.
Because at some point, they will start eating each other.
2. Any animal that is depicted as sexy
Adult furry comics aren’t for everyone. Actually, they should be for no one.
1. Great Danes
Because when they are, Scooby Doo happens.
What do you think?