We rarely watch TV. We never watch the local fire and police report (you know, that thing that most people call “local news”). But one evening recently, we had no particular place to go and our laptops were sitting inconveniently several feet away from our lazy arms so we grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels. What a load of shite. As we made the rounds a second time (as if we expected something new to pop up and peak our interest, duh), we paused on Fox News. Some dolled up chick was ranting about this or that with some sycophantic interviewee chiming in with a useless comment here and there. We don’t know what the subject was but we noted that the woman was rather fetching so we stuck around for a few seconds longer to enjoy her visage. The joy didn’t last long. The “news” topic was about some inane celebrity and his antics. Really? At this time? When the North Koreans are rattling their sabers. When the Syrians are destabilizing the Middle East? When the President is pushing job up-skilling and gun control? When the issue of freedom to marry was creating long term implications? And, here we were in prime time, hearing some hottie arguing whether George Clooney wipes with the left or right hand. God bless America.
So, since we’re steeped in hypocrisy and banality, we thought it would be clever to collect photos of the ladies that feature regularly on the Fox News Channel and put them into an Infographic. Sadly, what we thought might take an hour or so turned into over two hours of browsing, organizing, sizing, etc. We desperately need (a) better photo manipulation tools and skills (maybe President Obama will set dollars aside for us), and (b) a life.
Enough blather. Here you go.
During our research we discovered that most female personalities on Fox “News” got their start at Hooters, Girls Gone Wild, the Miss America Pageant, and Oral Roberts University. Some of them are Scientologists, a few are lesbians (but, shhh), all have had work done (except Liz Trotta), and none of them are immune to holy water. Here is a sampling of the extracurricular activities of some in this bevy of babes.
And, by popular demand, here’s the unedited shot of Elizabeth Prann with her shirt unbuttoned. We’ve found that the more a woman’s breast is exposed, the more credible she is when talking about political and economic subject matter. That is why we never believe anything that is said on PBS NewsHour.
The Fox News babes remind us that boobs can sell stuff better than old dudes in a suit. Taking a lesson from that, if church attendance starts to wane, we think pastors and the like should hire babes in bikinis to brandish guns and Bibles with a U.S. flag waving behind them while standing outside the doors of their respective buildings. Men have lower attendance rates to church services than women and this would surely bolster the male worshiper numbers, although it might also elicit illicit thoughts and eternal damnation and stuff.
And just for fun … one more. Here’s Lis Wiehl hocking her new book.