The Top Ten Colors For Guys

Editor’s note: here’s a contribution from Beelzebub777. He’s written a few posts so we will probably start a series of these if  the response is good.

Color Spectrum

Beelzebub 777 bloggerAs I was driving home last night, I thought about Amazing Spider-man #50 and it reminded me of the Red Comic Book Covers post Comics A-Go-Go! published a few weeks ago. This got me thinking about the color red in general. I started to notice things that were red outside my window. That led to some musing on the concept of color as a whole. I wondered what colors guys might like or dislike. Since I’m a guy, I kind of figured I was somewhat of an expert on that sort of thing so I decided to make a Top 10 list.

Black, white, and gray colorsIn creating this list, I excluded black and white since someone told me those aren’t really colors.  I guess that depends on semantics  but we’ll go with that. Also, since gray is supposed to be the combination of black and white, I’ll assume it isn’t a color either. So, if that’s the case, then this is a Top 7 List. To be perfectly clear, these are the only seven colors guys recognize. Anything in between is just lighter or darker or more this or less that.

Here’s the list:

The color blue

1. Blue: The color of water. The color of my suit, when I wear a suit. The color of Marines and cops, so it’s a tough guy color. There’s a variant girls call “Baby Blue” but I don’t even know what that means.

The color green2. Green: The color of money. The color of my lawn after I remember to water it. The color of the traffic light I like best. The color of dragons.

The color red3. Red: The color of blood and power ties. The color of the traffic light I just barely sneaked under. The color of the flowers I forgot to get my wife on Valentine’s Day until that night.

The color brown4. Brown: The color of dirt. The color of crap. The color of dress shoes, if they aren’t black. There are no other colors for dress shoes. Cordovan is not an acceptable variant for real guys. We’re not sure if brown shoes are a good color with a blue suit. We’ll gamble and stick with black. Black isn’t a color so we’re probably OK.

The color Orange5. Orange: The color of construction workers’ vests.  The color of a fruit that should be eaten in big chunks with your hands because who eats an orange in little slices?

The color yellow6. Yellow: The color of dudes that are cowards. The color of piss and beer. The color of the traffic light that is on way too often when I’m just about to go through an intersection. If we get busted, blue is no longer going to be at the top of the list.

The color of pink7. Pink: The color of the flowers I got on Valentine’s Day night when I remembered on my way home from work that I needed to get flowers. It’s the cheaper color for flowers compared to red flowers. It’s also the color that got me into trouble because my wife knows pink flowers are cheaper and she thought I thought she wasn’t worth springing the extra bucks for. But, it’s still a color chicks like and put all over girly stuff and we only know about it because we like to hang around them. We mean the chicks, not their stuff. Guys hate this color.

If you know the names of any other colors like Puce or Perrywinkle and you know what color they actually are, you’re not a real dude.  … wait. It may not have been a good idea to write the previous sentence. We disavow any knowledge of any colors but the ones listed herein.

What if the Sun were blue?

English DictionaryThe English language is a wonderful thing, baby. Seriously, we love it. It’s so rich and complex and random and such. We like it even better as it gets looser and warmer. We love the breadth, the depth, the weirdness, the sublime. It has what appear to be multiple words for exactly the same thing, but are not … or maybe they are, just in case you want some variety. The slight twist of a phrase, the placement of a verb, the brevity and the expansion of tale … mmm-mmm good.

Yes, other languages are packed with beautiful and powerful elements that set them apart too. But see, that’s where those languages lose their steam. Why? Because English loves everything good that any other language has to offer. Given time, a special word or phrase in another language will end up in he English lexicon. As writer James Nicholl puts it: “The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and riffle [sic] their pockets for new vocabulary.” (from a Usenet post he wrote in 1990).

Yeah, but …

In spite of our love and fascination with the language, we’re still stumped all the time by conjugations, particularly the subjunctive. So, we wondered what the answer would be if the Sun was blue but ended up no closer to the truth when we wondered instead if the Sun were blue.

And on that note …

A picture of the sun in blue color

Fortunately, Grammar Girl has come to the rescue. We even read most of the article for a change. Here she explains when to use “was” vs. when to use “were.”