Editor’s note: here’s a contribution from Beelzebub777. He’s written a few posts so we will probably start a series of these if the response is good.
As I was driving home last night, I thought about Amazing Spider-man #50 and it reminded me of the Red Comic Book Covers post Comics A-Go-Go! published a few weeks ago. This got me thinking about the color red in general. I started to notice things that were red outside my window. That led to some musing on the concept of color as a whole. I wondered what colors guys might like or dislike. Since I’m a guy, I kind of figured I was somewhat of an expert on that sort of thing so I decided to make a Top 10 list.
In creating this list, I excluded black and white since someone told me those aren’t really colors. I guess that depends on semantics but we’ll go with that. Also, since gray is supposed to be the combination of black and white, I’ll assume it isn’t a color either. So, if that’s the case, then this is a Top 7 List. To be perfectly clear, these are the only seven colors guys recognize. Anything in between is just lighter or darker or more this or less that.
Here’s the list:
1. Blue: The color of water. The color of my suit, when I wear a suit. The color of Marines and cops, so it’s a tough guy color. There’s a variant girls call “Baby Blue” but I don’t even know what that means.
2. Green: The color of money. The color of my lawn after I remember to water it. The color of the traffic light I like best. The color of dragons.
3. Red: The color of blood and power ties. The color of the traffic light I just barely sneaked under. The color of the flowers I forgot to get my wife on Valentine’s Day until that night.
4. Brown: The color of dirt. The color of crap. The color of dress shoes, if they aren’t black. There are no other colors for dress shoes. Cordovan is not an acceptable variant for real guys. We’re not sure if brown shoes are a good color with a blue suit. We’ll gamble and stick with black. Black isn’t a color so we’re probably OK.
5. Orange: The color of construction workers’ vests. The color of a fruit that should be eaten in big chunks with your hands because who eats an orange in little slices?
6. Yellow: The color of dudes that are cowards. The color of piss and beer. The color of the traffic light that is on way too often when I’m just about to go through an intersection. If we get busted, blue is no longer going to be at the top of the list.
7. Pink: The color of the flowers I got on Valentine’s Day night when I remembered on my way home from work that I needed to get flowers. It’s the cheaper color for flowers compared to red flowers. It’s also the color that got me into trouble because my wife knows pink flowers are cheaper and she thought I thought she wasn’t worth springing the extra bucks for. But, it’s still a color chicks like and put all over girly stuff and we only know about it because we like to hang around them. We mean the chicks, not their stuff. Guys hate this color.
If you know the names of any other colors like Puce or Perrywinkle and you know what color they actually are, you’re not a real dude. … wait. It may not have been a good idea to write the previous sentence. We disavow any knowledge of any colors but the ones listed herein.