The Divorcer – splitting up famous people, starting with Tom Cruise

We were scouring Google Images looking for who-knows-what for a future post (hey, we sometimes run out of ideas), and stumbled on a picture of some famous couple divorcing. That made us think of a gimmick. So, we’re going to grab a bunch of pictures of legitimate split-ups and then make up a few of our own. We shall call our stupid joke “The Divorcer.”  Here are several examples at the expense of one of our favorite punching bags – Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise divorced Mimi Rogers in 1990

The Divorcer Strikes!

Tom Cruise divorced Nicole Kidman in 2001

The Divorcer Strikes Again!

Tom Cruise divorced Katie in 2012

The Divorcer is almost getting embarrassed  for you now, Tom.

As you know, Tom has been divorced three times, but betcha didn’t know about his cohabitational arrangement with Val Kilmer back in the 1980s. Yeah, seems that they got it on during the filming of the movie Top Gun and then shacked up for several weeks until Val found out Tom was seeing Mimi Rogers. The break-up did not go well. Oddly, they both sparred over Zac Efron’s affections in 2005. Val had kept an eye on young Zac and as soon as he turned 18, bam!, Val was there with flowers. As it turned out, Zac wasn’t into older men. Val licked his wounds and gained a ton of weight and Tom swung back to the breeder track eventually marrying Katie Holmes.

Tom Cruise dated Val Kilmer

Sometimes we wonder what’s wrong with us.

Zac Efron nude on beach

We really don’t know much about our demographic since we’re too cheap to pay for a them that includes those types of analytics, so we aren’t sure if this is working it for you or not. However, given the popularity of our Boobs posts, we’re guessing not. Well, for the remaining 13% of you, enjoy or something.

Mel Gibson is a Grade A asshole.

And our final split up for the day: Mel “Ragin’ Mad” Gibson and Robyn Moore. We don’t know Ms. Moore, but on paper, it appears she was dumped into a dung heap by Mel and then covered with used cat litter. We were indifferent towards Mel as an actor before all of the bat-shitedness of his antics over the last few year came to light, but now we don’t much care for him at all. Incidentally, the joke on the picture about Robyn going to hell isn’t a joke. Mel really does believe she will and was even convinced of it while they were still married.

If we have any readers that are members of the Opus Dei, nice try. We don’t care what your spokespeople say, we know Mel is a member of your secret society. Actually, that wasn’t very nice of us. We know a couple of Opus Deirs and they’re zealous but not loony, as far as we know anyway.

It’s a Family Guy Nazi-fest!

Family Guy Satire

Archie Comics, political humor

Now THAT’s an election debate we could all get into!

We love Fox News because it provides so much fuel for our satire. We were planning to write a post about any number of Draconian points on which the ill-informed conservative crowd stand, but we grew weary with all the seriousness.

Last night, we watched the Family Guy  “German Guy” episode and thought it might be a nice gesture to mock both the Nazis and the pundits of Fox News at the same time.  Since calling a political figure a Nazi is a seriously harsh insult (unless the individual actually self-identifies as a fascist), we figured we ought to go with exactly that. It’s unlikely that the conservative columnists and celebrities are actually Nazis but the possibility still exists and it makes for convenient satire.

The scene where Chris goes into Lt.  Franz Schlechtnacht’s Nazi shrine room created a nice backdrop for this post. We scoured the web for images of Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Dick Cheny, and Mel Gibson since they had all been animated for the show in previous episodes and we felt they were deserving of our criticism. So, here you go.

Family Guy, Nazi Satire

Sponsored with gusto by Fox News.

Can’t get enough poking fun at Nazis? Give our Hogan’s Heroes post a shot.


NOTE to our conservative readers: You are welcome to attack the clearly cynical nature of this post but keep in mind that this blog is mostly about humor so if you can’t take an incendiary joke, go read this instead.